I cockslap morals
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
