Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
