who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
