also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
