Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
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He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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