We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
