am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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