my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
