could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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