I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
