and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
