Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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