4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
