Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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