there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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