it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
