hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
