Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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