Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
