I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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