Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
