I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
