Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
What drink are we having for lunch?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
