What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
