i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Randomize
