The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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