I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
