i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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