Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
