Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
North Korea, Best Korea!
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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