Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
