Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
