I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
