Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Randomize
