I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
