Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
