win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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