Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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