capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
