i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
