He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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