if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
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I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize