HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I fill condoms, not promises.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
