Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
