I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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