I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
