Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
