Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Randomize
