I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
