I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
