I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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