conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
