I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
