There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize