Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
