Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
