Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
My dick has a subreddit
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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