you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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