My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
