Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
The feeling are messing with the penis
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
