it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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