does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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