My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
