The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
