she kept yelling 'call me bella'
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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