you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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